—Erin Meanley, Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love is a brilliant interactive relationship tool that can help couples stop arguing and begin . Before using these Flash Cards for Real Life in the trenches, it's a good idea to read through them all. Some may evoke a pang of recognition or appreciation. Read Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love PDF - Relationship Repair in a Flash Flash Cards for Real Life by Nancy Dreyfus Psy.

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TALK TO ME Like I'm Someone You Love RELATIONSHIP REPAIR IN A FLASH By Nancy Dreyfus Psy. D. Published By Tarcher/Penguin. download Book with. years of experience and she is the author of Talk to Me Like I'm. Someone You Love, which we'll be talking about today. This is a really unique. A method of changing set for combative couples was presented in which written messages are used to refocus combatants from their specific.

Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Flash Cards For Real Life

Either way it is each of our job's to seek out new and better ways to live, to get out there learn new skills and create experiences that keep our minds, bodies and spirits engaged. If anyone expects to have what can be considered a good and lasting relationship you must stay engaged in that relationship.

With that said it is naive to ever think that you don't need to read relationship books because "my relationship is fine.

One liners, if you will to keep the lines of communication open between you and your partner, Each card helps to put into words the feelings you want to convey but for some reason just can't get across to your partner. Each card is accompanied by a page or so of explanation as to when and why each card might be used.

Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash, Revised Edition

As it turns out I didn't find a lot that my husband and I need to work on but I this book did give me a whole list of new phrases to work into conversation that will help to get my point across without making my husband feel belittled or that I don't love him. Even though while in the heat of an argument it may feel like your partner doesn't love you the truth is that they do and it is important to let them know that without having to forfeit your opinions. Or have the best intentions, but the wrong words come out of your mouth?

Ever forget what you're arguing about?

Worse yet, be told by loved ones that your words are harsh? Fortunately, I date a woman who agrees.

Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours later I come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better person even though I hated hearing it at the time.

When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good. And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it.

The feel good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right. The sunsets and puppies, they happen when you get the more important stuff right: values, needs and trust.

If I feel smothered and need more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the unpleasant feelings it may cause.

With out them, we get lost and lose track of one another. Being Willing to End It Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. But somehow we look at this story as romantic. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together. We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no matter what.

It invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery. Feeling Attraction for People Outside the Relationship Our cultural scripts for romance includes this sort of mental tyranny, where any mildly emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason.

Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner wears off a bit. And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty.

Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those thoughts. And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way how they found us. This triggers a lot of guilt in some people and a lot of irrational jealousy in others.

And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship. When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate your behavior for you suppression rather than dictating your behavior for yourself feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything.

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to eventually succumb to them and give in and suddenly find themselves screwing the secretary in the broom closet and having no idea how they got there and come to deeply regret it about twenty-two seconds afterward.

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to wake up one day disgruntled and frustrated with no conscious understanding of why, wondering where all of the days went and remember how in love we used to be? Looking at attractive people is enjoyable. Speaking to attractive people is enjoyable.

Thinking about attractive people is enjoyable. And when you dampen these impulses towards other people, you dampen them towards your partner as well. When I meet a beautiful woman now, I enjoy it, as any man would.

I see in the attractive women everything my girlfriend has and most women lack. And while I appreciate the attention or even flirtation, the experience only strengthens my commitment. Attractiveness is common. But real intimacy is not.

When we commit to a person, we are not committing our thoughts, feelings or perceptions. What we control are our actions. And what we commit to that special person are our actions.

See a Problem?

Let everything else come and go, as it inevitably will. We all have that friend who mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship. When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. This feels great. The problem only arises when this actually happens. The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.

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Have some separate friends. Take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself. Remember what made you you and what drew you to your partner in the first place. Without this space, without this oxygen to breathe, the fire between the two of you will die out and what were once sparks will become only friction.


I love this observation and believe it applies to not just womanizers, but just about anyone who consistently finds themselves in dysfunctional relationships. Or they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is already perfect.When you are so intense, it's hard to take in what might be valid about what you are saying. Neil Fiore. We need a new perspective.

The point is, when it comes to understanding what makes long-term relationships succeed, John Gottman will slam-dunk in your face and then sneer at you afterwards. The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws.

I think the biggest thing I learned from this book is you can never stop trying to improve your relationship. She loves to look amazing and I love for her to look amazing too obviously.